Pain is a Stimulant for An Introvert

Having an autoimmune disease like rheumatoid arthritis requires a person to constantly question what is going on in their life.  Well, more so if you are an introvert.  As an introvert, I have a constant conversation going on in my head about how I feel, why I feel the way I do that day, and whether or not there is something else I could be doing. I have grown to understand this about myself, but sometimes feel sad for those that care deeply for me because I know they don't quite get this about me.

When I took an Introvert or Extrovert quiz on Quiet Revolution, a website for introverts and those who want to better understand us, I obviously scored as an introvert.  One of the characteristics was "When you're in overly stimulating environments (too loud, too crowded, etc) you tend to feel overwhelmed." Pain is a stimulant for me, a noise in my head taking over my body and overwhelming me.  I find it easier to not share my challenging days with those close to me because I know I don't have room in my head to think about their caring thoughts.  It is just too much noise at the time trying to compete with the pain.  When the pain starts to dissipate, I find it easier to share because some of the noise is gone. Another reason I hesitate to share my pain at the time is that as an introvert I tend to absorb the feelings of others and to be a good listener.  So, while people want to be there for me, they almost always need to share their own experiences or struggles going on at the time. To me this is another stimulant that I don't have the energy for at the time. I know it hurts feelings when people find out after the fact that I was in a lot of pain, but when hurting, I only have the energy for one person: ME. I am not going to lie, it is an ongoing battle to shut people out of my life while I deal with my own reaction to the pain, but the better I understand my own needs, the easier it becomes.  And just so you know, I am never really alone during a flare. I always have that introvert part of my brain talking me through it.  Please be patient with me and know that I appreciate you being there for me when I am ready to share.      

I Am ME, An Introvert!

Growing up, I used to think I was a bit slow. People around me tended to quickly come up with answers for the teacher or responses to friends.  For me, it always took a while. Before responding, I had to have a conversation with myself about the topic and then I could reply. But by the time I was ready to say something, it was too late, an extrovert had already quickly answered and we had moved on.

It wasn't until I was an adult teaching 5th grade that I finally started realizing there wasn't something wrong with me.  My first four years of teaching, I had an awesome principal.  He would often call me into his office and ask for my feedback on relations between teachers. He wanted to know how I saw the situation. He invited me to be on committees because, "You don't talk a lot, but when you do, it's important."  I'll forever be thankful to Keith, my first principal, for having the confidence in me so that I could start seeing what he did in myself.

As life continued as an adult, I received a lot of the same feedback from co-workers, moms, friends, and family. The more I read about introvert personalities, the more I realized that these traits I thought made me weird as a child were what actually made me ME. Introverts often share the need for quiet, to think about what they want to say before saying it and are observant of the situations/feelings around them. Sometimes we seem quiet and disinterested in what is being shared, but actually, we are thinking hard about it.

One of the things I love about being a mid-lifer is that you finally come to terms with who you are.  You have seen the same responses from people and yourself over and over and know what to expect.  This allows you to find comfort in who you are. I now realize ahead of time that I may hope to be invited to attend outings but will most likely turn down the invitation.  I feel excited for others who love to travel and have multiple experiences in life, but know that for myself, I am quite content ordering take-out food and enjoying an evening of Netflix and wine with my husband.  It doesn't mean I am not interested in the world, it just means that I find more comfort in quiet days/nights than the noise that comes with these experiences.  I now know that when I am struggling in life, I need to process it before I can share it with others.  Some may find this hurtful, but it's what I need. We are all different.  We each have a place.  I am glad that I have finally found mine and no longer feel like the "weird" one.  I am just ME.

*If you are interested in whether or not you are an introvert or extrovert (or maybe both), take the quiz at Quiet Revolution, a place for introverts and those that want to understand us better.  Here is what my Introvert description said:

"Given the choice, you’ll devote your social energy to a small group of people you care about most, preferring a glass of wine with a close friend to a party full of strangers. You think before you speak, have a more deliberate approach to risk, and enjoy solitude. You feel energized when focusing deeply on a subject or activity that really interests you. When you’re in overly stimulating environments (too loud, too crowded, etc.) you tend to feel overwhelmed. You seek out environments of peace, sanctuary, and beauty; you have an active inner life and are at your best when you tap into its riches."

Will Unscholing Create Successful Adults?

Four years ago my family became a public school family. My daughter, who thrives on experiencing life, started school for the first time as a full-time freshman to get the full high school experience. My son opted to keep his "homeschool" status while taking a few electives his junior and senior year. We found our local high school very open to my children and first year parent teacher conferences revealed that my children's teachers had no idea they had not only been homeschooled, but allowed the freedom to learn on their own through unschooling.

As I finish editing a paper for my son's college mass communications class and look for photos to share with my daughter's school for senior celebration coming up in April, I can't help but reflect on some questions I asked myself when my son was three years old,

• Will my kids be successful in life if we unschool?
• Will they be happy as adults?

My answer to both questions: ABSOLUTELY.  Did they encounter some struggles in high school? Definitely. But struggles are good. They challenge you to become a better you. Plus, what high school student doesn't have a struggle or two? As I look at my almost adult children, I see two people who are thinkers. They are both capable of figuring out the circumstances they are in and making the best of it. They don't follow what teachers, peers, or even their parents think is best for them. They have an internal ability to know what is best for themselves and they are ALWAYS right. It might not seem that way at the time, but each experience they have had, good or bad, has lead them to exactly where they need to be next in life. When I think about their futures as adults, I get excited. I see both of them working jobs that challenge them and give back to the world rather than focusing on money or power. They are both grounded and for teenagers, quite aware of their value systems. To me, that is a success!

As children, my husband and I placed trust in our children to know when it was time to stop playing a video game, when it was their time to learn to read, how and why they needed to learn math, and when they needed time alone. We respected them as humans who knew their physical and mental bodies well.  As much as possible, we left our agendas at the door so that they could figure out who they are as people.  The benefits are even more amazing than I could have imagined all those years ago when I first read about the concept of unschooling and felt like I had finally found the missing piece to how I felt about learning. As their momma, I feel so honored knowing they are on their journeys to making this world a better place to live by sharing their unique talents, thoughts, and abilities.

Finding Positive in This Presidential Election

The 2016 Presidential election is by far the one that has made me think hard about what I want for the USA.  For the first time I have actively gone searching to find information about the candidates. From the beginning, my heart melted for Bernie Sanders and it hasn't swayed.  I feel like he is a positive force for this country and I look forward to the long term changes he makes for this country whether he is the Democrat nominee or not.  

While I feel a genuine hope for this country through the movement Bernie is creating, I have to be honest and say that this election has created numerous ups and downs for me. One minute I feel this country is on the right path and then the next minute I am seriously scared.  I end up spending hours on Facebook discussing the election with friends and reading story after story knowing I should stop but not quite being able to. 

After Mega Tuesday, my heart was broken that Bernie didn't do better than he did and that Trump did as well as he did.  I felt hopeless. Then, my 19 year old son spent a little time with me.  I love this generation.  They have grown up without hate and see something better for their futures.  He has always been one who thrives on learning about history and explained many things to me in a way that left me feeling hopeful again.  Hopefully I am not putting words into his mouth because how he explains things is much more powerful than I can do here, and his understanding is much higher than my own. But, this is what I took from our conversation. I hope it gives you hope too.

Trump has made the US aware that we have a lot more work to be done in the area of rights/tolerance for others and this awareness will motivate many of us to work harder so that eventually the future will be better for all. This is a wake up call that we are far from where many of us (me) thought we were on racism/discrimination.  As an educator, I knew we still had issues, but never in my craziest thoughts did I think the US was in as much trouble as we seem to be on this issue.  But, we now have the opportunity to start talking about the problem and look at where and why so many Americans still feel this way and to work towards getting to the next level.

And, even if Bernie doesn't win, he has created a desire for a better USA with opportunities for all. The US might not be ready for Bernie, but he may be the one opening the door for others with Democratic Socialist ideas.  My son reminded me that history doesn't happen overnight.  It is a process and Bernie is helping to lead us along this new journey in history. 

I am a person who desperately needs to find the positive in the events that affect the lives of my family and myself.  Sometimes I can find the answers on the internet or through friends, but sometimes I just need the fresh outlook of a young adult.  Plus, when a hug sums up the conversation, I always win!

Dear Immigrant

Dear Immigrant (Legal or Not),

Thank you so much for coming into my life. Many of you may have been a student of mine at some point in my 20 plus years as a teacher, but I feel it is I who has been the one learning and growing as a person because of you. My first year as a fifth grade teacher, I was fortunate to be placed in a school with a large population of immigrants. Many of you were larger than my 5'0 self which was a little intimidating at the time, but we smiled at each other and quickly started learning together. As an adult education teacher for the last 15 years, I have been "Teacher" as you took on the task of learning English. It hasn't been easy. Many of you have struggled with undiagnosed learning disabilities, lack of previous education, unstable work schedules, multiple jobs, unpredictable transportation, and family lives. Despite all that was going on in your lives, you have ALWAYS taken the time to greet me at the beginning of class with a smile and "thank" me before leaving. Throughout the years you have taught me how fortunate I am to have an education. I used to think an education was a given, but now realize it is a privilege that should be highly respected. Many of you have come to my class with little or no education and have made outstanding progress. You felt defeated many times, but you hung onto your dream of having an education and continued on. I wish I could say it was due to my amazing ability as a teacher, but I know it isn't. Many of you have also come to the US with more education than I could ever dream of possessing and have graciously accepted help from classmates who may have only five years of school, but whose knowledge of English was higher than your own. I love each of you for your determination to be your best.

Thank you for taking the time to share your language and culture with your peers and me. I apologize that I still can't pronounce many of your names and thank you for being so patient with me. While I have had up to nine different languages spoken in one classroom, I am ashamed to say that I still only know English and a small amount of Spanish. Over the years, I have received more gifts than I can count. Many of you have baked goods during special holidays so that I could be included in your time of celebration. Others have invited me into your home. You have made me the special guest. It is in your home that I have learned to appreciate even the smallest of material items.  Many of you came with nothing and have worked hard to get where you are today. When you invited me to a party and I hesitated because my children were young or because they were teens, you always said, "Bring them. They are invited too."  I love that family is a priority for you. (We have missed many US parties due to the fact that we didn't want to leave our children at home while we attended "adult only" parties.) A gift I will always hold close to my heart is when my father died. With many of my friends I felt like his death was uncomfortable and it was easier to move on with life than mourn for the emptiness I felt. However, my first day back with you, a long line was formed at my desk and each person spent a few minutes hugging me and struggling with their English to share a few special words with me. I felt so loved. I have shared so many stories with you over the years about my family and you have listened and shared your own stories. It is when we discuss our families that I know how much we have in common. We all want the best for our families, we worry about our kids, and we struggle to know if we are always making the best choices. Thank your for sharing intimate parts of your life with me. You have honored me over the years when you have stopped by my classroom to share that you passed a challenging class, that you didn’t need a translator at an appointment, when you became a citizen, or your child got good grades in school. You have shared new jobs and promotions, photos of your family, and photos of yourself without your headscarf so that I could know you better. In difficult times you have asked me to keep you in my prayers as your family was going through a tough time, shared personal stories of losing husbands and children, abuse, loss of parents you haven’t seen in years, ridicule in the workplace, etc. These stories are very personal and it has meant a lot that you trusted me with them.    

I am a better person today because of the experiences we have shared over the years. Many times you may not even be aware of the impact you have on my life, but you do. I have admired you helping a classmate who speaks a different language to learn a new vocabulary word. I have sat in wonderment as you share how the person sitting next to you would have been your enemy in your homeland but is your friend in the US. You have torn down walls to be the best US citizens you can. I think about each of you often. I try to keep an open mind and remember that we each have our own past and present. I try to be like you and appreciate my government, education, and family. And like you, I try to smile each day, say "thank you", and never give up on my dreams.               

This political season we are seeing a lot of hate towards immigrants in the US. It breaks my heart. I often wonder if those who criticize immigrants have had any experience with immigrants. I don't think they have because if so, they could never say the hateful things they do. When you hear these things, please know that we don't all feel this way. Many of us know the sacrifices you have made for your family and yourself, the kind hearts you possess, and the amazing citizens that you are to this country. Please know that despite what you see and hear in the news, many of us appreciate the long work hours you often put in, the respect you give your children’s teachers and your own teacher, the amazing neighbors you are, and the forever friends you are to many of us.  

With much love and appreciation,

Teacher .