- Instructions on how to close a front door after I came home to an empty house with the front door open wide
- Steps on putting dishes away
- Multiple messages a day about returning library books, turning in school work, asking off for a day of work, or making necessary phone calls
Guess where all this finger energy got me? Absolutely nowhere. Well, that's not true. It has caused my daughter to resent conversations with me, to avoid my messages, and worst of all, they have created a heavy amount of weight on her shoulders. I have sent messages claiming they were an act of motherly love, but I have instead been telling my daughter I don't trust her to accomplish the tasks I am messaging her about.
Since my children were very small, I have always tried to act this question before making a decision as a mom, "How would I feel if someone was treating me this way?" Somehow, with the ease of technology and not seeing my daughter face to face, I have forgotten to ask this question. I would be furious if my boss or husband did this to me. It isn't fair to her. She deserves the right to leave the house without being harassed about details that we can discuss at home and to be trusted that she can accomplish tasks with little help from me.
A great thing happened last weekend. I was out of town and didn't text her once. Result: she took care of everything - dishes put away, dog fed, got to work, etc. She is a capable young woman and I need to respect that. So, I have made a new resolution to be more respectful to my daughter. I will now allow myself two texts a day that are started by me. One can be a reminder but the other one has to be something positive like "How's your day going?" or "Thanks for hanging out last night. I enjoyed it." My second text needs to be something that puts a smile on her face and lets her know I love her and trust her because despite my OCD habits, I do.